내 첫 악기는
아빠가 긴 출장 다녀오며 사준 장난감 오르골
내가 만져본 첫 타자기는
그가 서재에서 깊은 밤마다 두드리던
그래, 내 모든 재능 속엔
그가 양보해준 젊음이
숨 쉬고 있어
삼 남매 연년생인 형과 누나는
눈만 마주쳐도 티격태격
늦둥이 막낸 온 집안을 헤집어대
인상 쓰던 아빠가 이해돼
우리 집은 정적이 쌀만큼 귀했네
이젠
좋은 날 에도
웃음소리 보다 빈자리의 고요가 더 크네
마지막으로 아빠의 야윈 품에 안겨 깨달았지
천국도 나이 드네
I don’t like who I’ve become
I don’t know who I’ve become
그저 내가 나라서
참 외로워
날 이해해주는 건
나를 안아주는 건
이젠 아무도 없어
외로워
난 가끔 생각나
연탄 냄새와 반지하 단칸방
우리 네 식구 첫 울타리
창 하나 없던 어둠 속에서 꿈을 꿨지만
한 이불 아래 누워있던 유일한 시간
늘 가족보다 한 걸음 더 앞서 걷던
아빠의 발걸음은 느릿해져 가네 점점
밥은 잘 챙겨 먹는지
아픈 데는 없는지
하나도 줄지 않았네 엄마의 걱정
항상 텅 빈 집에서 혼자 기다리던
겁많은 동생도 어느새 가장이 돼서
요즘은 거의 딸바보가 다 됐지
나보다 부모 마음을 더 잘 이해하겠지
한 가정이 이제 세 가정이 되고
시끌벅적한 대가족이 돼도
함께 살아온 시간보다 짧겠지
그 시간조차 후회들로 가득 차겠지
I don’t like who I’ve become
I don’t know who I’ve become
그저 내가 나라서
참 외로워
날 이해해주는 건
나를 안아주는 건
이젠 나밖에 없어
외로워
nae cheot akgineun
appaga gin chuljang danyeoomyeo sajun jangnangam oreugol
naega manjyeobon cheot tajagineun
geuga seojaeeseo gipeun bammada dudeurideon
geurae, nae modeun jaeneung sogen
geuga yangbohaejun jeolmeumi
sum swigo isseo
sam nammae yeonnyeonsaengin hyeonggwa nunaneun
nunman majuchyeodo tigyeoktaegyeok
neujdungi maknaen on jibaneul hejibeodae
insang sseudeon appaga ihaedwae
uri jibeun jeongjeogi ssalmankeum gwihaessne
ijen
joheun nal edo
useumsori boda binjariui goyoga deo keune
majimageuro appaui yawin pume angyeo kkaedarassji
cheongukdo nai deune
I don’t like who I’ve become
I don’t know who I’ve become
geujeo naega naraseo
cham oerowo
nal ihaehaejuneun geon
nareul anajuneun geon
ijen amudo eopseo
oerowo
nan gakkeum saenggakna
yeontan naemsaewa banjiha dankanbang
uri ne sikgu cheot ultari
chang hana eopsdeon eodum sogeseo kkumeul kkwossjiman
han ibul arae nuwoissdeon yuilhan sigan
neul gajokboda han georeum deo apseo geotdeon
appaui balgeoreumeun neurishaejyeo gane jeomjeom
babeun jal chaenggyeo meokneunji
apeun deneun eopsneunji
hanado julji anhassne eommaui geokjeong
hangsang teong bin jibeseo honja gidarideon
geopmanheun dongsaengdo eoneusae gajangi dwaeseo
yojeumeun geoui ttalbaboga da dwaessji
naboda bumo maeumeul deo jal ihaehagessji
han gajeongi ije se gajeongi doego
sikkeulbeokjeokhan daegajogi dwaedo
hamkke saraon siganboda jjalpgessji
geu siganjocha huhoedeullo gadeuk chagessji
I don’t like who I’ve become
I don’t know who I’ve become
geujeo naega naraseo
cham oerowo
nal ihaehaejuneun geon
nareul anajuneun geon
ijen nabakke eopseo
oerowo
my first instrument
The toy music box my dad bought me on a long business trip
The first typewriter I ever touched
He was knocking deep in the night in his study
Yes, in all my talents
The youth he conceded
I'm breathing
Three younger brothers and sisters
Even if we just make eye contact, we get hit
Rushing through the whole family, the youngest child
I understand my dad who made an impression
Our house was as precious as silence
now
good day too
The silence in the empty seat is louder than the sound of laughter
Finally realized in my father's skinny arms
Heaven is old
I don't like who I've become
I don't know who I've become
it's just me
so lonely
to understand me
hugging me
no one now
lonely
I remember sometimes
The smell of briquettes and a semi-basement single room
The first fence in our family of four
I dreamed in the dark without a single window
The only time I was lying under one blanket
I was always one step ahead of my family
Daddy's steps are getting slower
Do you eat well?
Is there no pain
I didn't give you anything, my mother's worries
Always waiting alone in an empty house
Even my cowardly younger brother has become the head of the household
I'm almost a fool these days
You'll understand your parents better than I do
One family now becomes three families
Even if it becomes a noisy large family
It must be shorter than the time we lived together
Even that time will be full of regrets
I don't like who I've become
I don't know who I've become
it's just me
so lonely
to understand me
hugging me
now there's only me
lonely